Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large
bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake the
Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a
woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?
So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on
impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I
was starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended
up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward
with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs
in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a 'Perfect Diet'
and that the way that it works is to load your pants
pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or
two every time you feel hungry.
The food is ‘nutritionally complete’ so it works
well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in line was
now enthralled with my story).
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care
because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I
stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car
hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a
heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have
all the time in the world to think of crazy things
to say.
