MARRIAGE

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.   Jane Austen

Damnit, it's your duty to get married.  You can't be always living for pleasure.                                                             Oscar Wilde

Marriage is like the witness protection programme:  you get all new clothes, you live in the suburbs and you're not allowed to see your friends anymore.                                                 Jeremy Hardy

Splendid couple - slept with both of them.        
                                                                                           Maurice Bowra at a wedding

My wife of eleven years - and that's quite old for a Filippino....
                                                                              Jim Tavare

Anniversaries are like toilets - men usually manage to miss them.
                                                                                Jo Brand

I left home to marry a man whom no one liked, and after I married him I didn't like him either.                                   Margaret Allingham

The penalty for getting the woman is that you must keep her.
                                                                                Lionel Stachey

I've been married to Florence for 80 years.  The secret of a happy marriage is: "Yes, dear."                                        Percy Arrowsmith

Marriage, well, I think it's a marvellous thing for other people, like going to the gallows.                                              Philip Larkin

We were happily married for eight months.  Unfortunately we were married for four years.                                            Nick Faldo

It is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage.                                        Jane Austen

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.                         George Bernard Shaw

Having a wedding without mentioning divorce is like sending someone to war without mentioning that people are going to get killed.
                                                                                 Richard Curtis

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to marriage in a moment.                       Jane Austen

A loving wife is better than making 50 at cricket, or even 99; beyond that I will not go.                                                     Sir James Barrie

The secret of marital happiness is simple; drink in different pubs to your other half.                                                         Jilly Cooper

I don't believe that people would ever fall in love or want to be married if they hadn't been told about it.  It's like abroad: no one would want to go there if they hadn't been told it existed.
                                                                                   Evelyn Waugh

NEXT SUBJECT:  SEX